In an idle moment when I’m at work but so far removed from work I’m back there, that place where my mind is at most ease and can run away freely chasing after memories made only just a few hours ago, that’s where for that glimpse in time, I’m happy.
And there in that moment I can celebrate, love, dance and find calm. But the torment of not being back there brings me back to reality when I find myself in only a moment of a memory but happy that I know it exists.
The circumstances in life that I went through to bring me to this place where those memories are made, I can somehow find thanks for them and move from them and remember that those other memories, the difficult ones where I had to learn the hard way all somehow work together to bring me to this moment, the one where I delight in my present.
Regret is a difficult emotion to deal with; it’s a very powerful noun but lives itself out as a verb. Decisions, feelings, thoughts and actions can all be determined due to regrets that we carry around without even knowing it.
Hard times, as trying as they are, help us appreciate what is in front of us now. I remember when I was 18 and asked God to do something beautiful in my life, it was only a few years later when I read through my old journal and came across those ignorant and carless words which were scribbled down somewhere in the early hours of the morning, that for me to of seen the ‘beautiful’ I was looking for, I had to recognise the ugly.
I took a personality test at work a year ago, without knowing me it described me better than some of my closest friends would be able to. It explained to me that I love being surrounded by people and think of them before myself because when I’m on my own I become my worst critic – so I position myself around people who bring me life and help me process the reality of my situation.
It takes strength and courage to recognise and realise and rectify the ‘ugly’ in our lives but how beautiful and how gracious and how loving it is to do – not only for ourselves but for the people in our lives who help us to appreciate our ‘now’ the people who we make those memories with who make moments blissful.
Acknowledge the hardships then send them on their way, wave them goodbye and walk into whatever lies ahead of you now. And I hope you too can sit at work or wherever but not really be there but be in the memories which you made only a few hours ago with the people in life who mean the most to you and make you thankful.
Impulsive moments make me feel alive.
Tonight, I had an impulsive moment.
I took a run around my neighborhood for the fist time. I’ve lived here since January and it hadn’t even crossed my mind yet.
But tonight it did. So I ran and gave my thoughts twenty minutes to define themselves.
At the end of my run I called in at my local shop to pick up some groceries. On my way home I found myself on a familiar street which I’ve only ever driven on, never walked on. And it was empty. Nothing but me and my grocery bag in my left hand and some detergent in my right. The city’s skyline had won me and I was lost somewhere in its ever changing reflections and movements. Loneliness or the city noise didn’t undermine the moment.
House lights filled homes with warmth and leaked onto the pavements outside and danced on the concrete bringing colour and life to it. And there I was, finally inspired to write again. I took a left turn too soon and ended up going in the wrong direction but I didn’t care, the city streets took me away to inspiration and enthusiasm, places which have been somewhere slightly forgotten to me for a while now.
I couldn’t get home quick enough. I just hoped I wouldn’t bump into anyone I knew in case my thoughts would leave me again. Clinging onto them, I drifted home staring at the clear sky, holding my grocery bag and detergent as if they were my only possessions.
Running upstairs I looked for my journal to write all of this down and I couldn’t find it. But anything would do. I found an old letter and wrote these words down. Words which would remind me of a time when my inspiration came back and brought me life.
And if these words somehow find you, I hope your inspiration, your passion or your hope returns to you also. And I hope they make you feel alive, even if it’s only for 20 minutes on a Thursday night.
Diverted traffic has to be one of the most patience testing experiences. A few weeks ago we were driving around Manchester, 10pm, trying to find our way home and every road which we thought we needed to be on was diverting us somewhere else.
When you’re tired, lost and unsure about where you’re at it can quickly become a testing situation.
The day before this journey I’d written my car off by falling asleep at the wheel, making the trip home a little tenser for me as I was still shaken up from a previous experience.
Why does night time change everything? That hovering dark hue which make things seem even more confusing, even more hopeless or cold. The thing about night time is how powerful lights are, how we strongly rely on the power of a simple headlight or streetlight which we can easily ignore in the daytime when our surroundings easily distract us by entertaining us with their constant momentum of life. But how powerful is the strength of the light that will lead us home?
We all go through night time seasons. We all have that overwhelming moment when things just feel like they’re too much, like you’ve been diverted from that road you know will lead you to that place you’ve been planning for. But what if that road is actually the wrong road? That actually, the diversion is saving you from taking the wrong route for the wrong time in your life. Diversions, as frustrating as confusing as they demonstrate, they’re actually a gracious gesture, leading you on to a safer, secure and well defined journey.
And that warm beam of light casting clarity on the journey? It’s essential. It’s dedicated to your path and it’s not going to let you down, regardless of your previous experiences.
When you’re lost, when you’re majestic hurts feel like your only embrace, rely on the light which will lead you through that diversion, ushering you to a wholesome and integral path.
Our beautiful letdowns give us courage to wholly and solely rely on the Grace of God to be our light. To direct us and lead us when we’re lost.
Our paths make way for others to follow and learn from where we’re at, where we’ve been and the gracious hand of God which denies us of a path which may have lead us to even more confusion or worry.
The bible says “Passion for my Father’s house consumes me”. When you’re tirelessly diverted, when you thought you were on the right path; find yourself consumed with passion for the bigger picture - seeing His Kingdom come and His will be done. Note; His will be done – whatever that looks like. Let His love lead you through the night and let his magnificent hope drench you with life, vision and dedication to your breakthrough and someone else’s glimmer of hope.